As people typically love the holiday’s this time of year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years) these are days that, over the years, have become difficult for me. In short, my son was 5 years old when on Thanksgiving Day; a terrible accident resulted in the amputation of his right hand. I am nearing a decade since I was in court and the judge made my divorce final, two days after Christmas Day, and years after the divorce; I had dated a wonderful person for a few years that abruptly informed me, on New Years Eve, goodbye. I would just like to fall to sleep on November 20th each year and wake the following January 2!
The mind, as we all know, is an interesting part of the human body. It remembers things we do not want to remember but forgets thing we need to remember. I would love to have the joy and excitement others have for six weeks at the end of the year, but I just have issues with that.
I recall the past much like every year at this time and there is one thing in common with all those events. I felt trapped. In this world where no matter what I did, I had no control over the situation. I was helpless. Many feel this was for many other reasons. Some people have unbelievable responsibilities, some people are free. At times, I feel like I am in a never-ending swirl of work, eat, sleep to pay the bills and survive.
The number of people in this state of mind is increasing today with the falling economy. The elderly on fixed incomes, people losing a job or taking large pay cuts where they barley made ends meet with what they had available to them before. Friends stricken with significant illness, accidents taking lives before we believe they should and relationships get strained and questions about self-worth arise.
It is like one of my friends describes being in a prison. They are unable to go anywhere. Every minute, every hour, every day. He would work because he had no choice. He ate would drink, eat, sleep, dress because he had to, or face consequences.
He once said to me “People say live for today. But the only thing that gets me though that prison is tomorrow.” He said there are times you cannot live for today but have that little string that tethers us to hope and love. Something so far from reach today but is still there tomorrow.
At times, I empathized with him. I have virtues and morals, which I have always held strong to no matter what happens. Over the years, I learned, that these are my strings. These are what get me through these difficult times. They are not major things, but they are admirable. They are inside me, not external. They are what make life worth living.
I am happy I have those internal strings. Some people only have external strings without internal pride or confidence of who they are. That leads to a bad result more often than not. But that may also be my downfall. As I am content with my weight and health, I do no seek to improve. So that is why I have races and other things as my outside strings to bring balance to a life, which as we all know, is one of the most difficulty, ever changing parts of living. May you all have a happy holiday season, and treasure those strings…