I ran yesterday. And I ache today. I am like a rookie all over again!
I have read many blogs about 2008 and look forward to more in 2009. The recent message tends to be great or miserable about the year but all have hopes for 2009. Not much in the middle. There is one thing that amazes me, that being that all of us who thought I year sucked (including me), we are actually better off than most of the world. We work out more, have food and housing, great friends and a smile.
For some, no matter how much we dislike our runs, our Duff’s, our diets, or relationships, there are some who had the worse DNF experiences. The death of a friend or relative. This is the ultimate DNF. DNF of a life, DNF my time with them, DNF our desires… But I think back to some of the deaths I have endured.
I keep coming back to the death of my 3-year-old nephew, Aaron. It was those words from that unknown pastor that I recall so often. He said that Aaron did not DNF; he actually lived his life fully. His life of three years god gave him was full and complete. Those three years seems short because we have these expectations of life being 70 or 80 years.
It is hard, but if I remove the expectations I had about my time on earth, my race times, my race distances, my weight goals, they are less impacting. But at the same time, without expectation, life is dull and empty. Where is that balance, I will never know… But I bet I will think about it…
I’ve never been an absent minded person. Perhaps that’s the wrong way to describe myself. Not intense enough? The truth is I can’t ever stop thinking. When I’m bored my mind drifts off and explores situation after situation and idea after idea.
So one day as my mind started to drift I began to play the “what if” game. What if I were born a monkey? What if I had the ability to read minds? What if I did not break up with Shari Felted in High School? Then a more troubling thought entered my mind and I haven’t able to shake the question since.
What it there was an epidemic?
What it a new disease breaks loose and begins to ravish the population? And suppose there’s only limited number of vaccines. What do we do? It was this train of thought that I am musing over still.
See an epidemic is a natural occurrence to this world, just like tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes. However in so many ways an epidemic can be worse. While natural disasters only affect one small area, diseases aren’t limited my any geographical barrier. They can go anywhere, infect anyone. They don’t stop; they spread leaving desolation in their wake.
So if one of these were to break out here in modern day America my question is: There is only a limited number of vaccines and medial supplies, so who gets treated? How would we be able to justify who gets saved, and who isn’t worth saving?
It’s a hard choice to make when one is forced to play god. Who would be the ones to not be treated? The old, the sick, the mentally unstable? Or do the rich get treated and leave the poor to die? Who could be allowed to make this decision? It’s all so complicated. Morals and family ties make the choice almost impossible. How would you justify it? Kill the few to save the many? Put in such a situation, it scary to think of what I would have to do. What would you do? It may be a question that is moot… but if I am occupied thinking about something, it does go all over the map.
So as I start 2009, I think about stupid things like above when I have nothing else to think about. About things I can never answer or at least I hope I never will… And I am thankful, for what has been given to me; even I find many faults or issues with much of the same.